Knocked Sideways Part 1
We’ve hit a road block. A small one that could be the big one.
Somethings come up in our paperwork. Something we didn’t see coming but that something could be the end of our Haitian dreams.
Each country is so particular in what they will and won’t allow, who they will approve and reject. I’m stunned that this could be us. I’m stunned.
God what do you mean by this?! I’ve been praying and seeking you in this journey for years. YEARS! How could this be happening? I don’t understand. I feel both like crying and like being furious. What does this mean? What does this mean for you and I, God?
What does this mean for you and I?
How can I have been so wrong? I have been certain, hear that, certain, that I have been hearing your call on my heart and my life and my freaking family. My whole family! I have put myself out there and prayed over adopting from Haiti for hours, days, years. If I’ve heard you wrong in this, what does that mean? Does that mean that I don’t actually hear you? Because, if I don’t hear your voice like I’ve been so sure that I do, where does that leave me?
I will tell you where I feel like it leaves me! It leaves me feeling let down by you God. In my whole life, I’ve not felt this way toward you. I’ve heard others rail against you, but you and I, God, you and I have always gotten each other. I trust you, I talk to you all the time and I’ve always felt like I could hear you speak back, eventually. So if I can’t or don’t hear you, Lord? Who am I!
What does this mean for our relationship, Lord? What about this son that I’ve dreamt of since I was 9? Him, I know that you will still care for, but right now, I want to know what this means for us! Have I been wrong this whole time? Have I been leading my family down the wrong path because I wasn’t actually hearing you?
The next morning I woke up to this running through my brain.
And God responded ” I don’t thing the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” God’s Decree. ” For as the sky soars high above the earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work and they way I think is beyond the way you think.” Isaiah 55:8-9