It feels exactly the same and completely different.
It’s funny how this feels exactly the same and completely different. It’s deciding to have more children. Point blank those are the logistics. Of course there is more and a massive emotional component. But at the ground floor, it’s if we want and can we raise more kids?
I feel like we are having conversations about getting pregnant again. I’m certainly excited to be expecting again. It’s funny. It’s fun. I want to be expecting again.
If we were talking about getting pregnant two more times I would feel so many of the same things. Like how I worry about how Bo will handle not being the baby. But, I’ve grieved over each one losing their spot as the baby of the family. Each time I rocked my youngest and cried over them moving up a spot and no longer being my baby. And each times it’s been ok.
If struck me hard when I realized that if I was going to get pregnant again that I would have the same feelings about Bo not being my baby, but somehow with adoption if feels like there is more guilt in that. Their shouldn’t be, but there is. For us to get pregnant again would be a choice. For us to adopt is going to be a choice.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we can raise 4 kids. I have no big worries about that. We wouldn’t even need a bigger car. But it’s thinking of having 5 children that scares me, that’s a drastic change in how we live our lives.
So we take it one day and one step at a time. What is our next step God? Where are you leading us? To whom are you leading us?