Do Not Let Me Be Scared Out Of Your Will.
March 21, 2016. “Do not let me be scared out of your will”
That is me right now. It’s not that I think brining home more children is outside of Gods will for us, it’s just paralyzingly terrifying.
Yesterday, on the first Day of Spring 2016, I sent an inquiry email to an adoption agency. I sent it with Darens knowledge and approval.
We spent the weekend on a getaway to the mountain house and suddenly at a dinner with a friend Matt and his father Daren says ” I trust Sarah’s vision for our family and that’s why I think we should adopt two or three more kids”
I was floored. Stunned. Disbelieving.
He said it again later during drinks too.
Again, I didn’t believe him. But I had also never heard him say anything close to this before.
The next morning I was so nervous that I couldn’t bring it up until after my signature Lemon Drop before dinner. To my complete surprise, he said that he meant it. He said that ” he could go either way really, I just don’t want anymore babies” he followed up with the same thoughts I’ve been secretly having about how we are already plenty busy with our three but also we have all of this money that we can truthfully afford to raise more children. Would it change our vacations and how many pairs of school shoes everyone gets? Yes. But still….
We also talked about the options of Adopting from Foster Care vs international adoption. Daren really feels that it should be international and I really feel a lot of peace with that too. We know the high costs involved and we know that we can find a way to pay them too, if we move forward.
We haven’t said Yes to anything officially yet.
But he did agree to let me ask more questions and get more information on some programs that we are eligible for. The two on my mind today are Burundi and South Africa.
We will see.
The fact that we are talking like this alone is a miracle. God has brought this conversation from him saying ” never bring up adoption again” to Daren himself bringing it up saying maybe.
I am both excited and terrified. It’s not that I don’t feel a peace. It’s not that I’m feeling that adoption is outside of Gods will for our family, it’s that it feels paralyzingly terrifying.
Then I read this this morning.
” Do not let me be scared out of Your will”