Transparency

Transparency

Its time to be transparent. Its time for me to admit to my private struggles in order for Gods works in my life to truly shine. I have a theory that as we keep our battles, hurts, and fears private it tends to dampen how others see our God at work. Of course we praise God when the sun is shinning. But we also praise him during the rain…

This is the story of my current storm.

Daren and I have been talking baby names since our second date. We have been hoping to concieve that child to name for the last 7 months. Within these last months we have had one endometriosis diagnosis, one laparoscopy to remove the endometerosis and two ovarian cysts and two chemical pregancies ( i.e. very early miscarriages). We do not believe that we are infertile but we have come across some rough road bumps.

Daren and I went up to Presentation Sunday with my cousins Bill and Gina last weekend.

The service was wonderful. There was a really long time of worship and then the pastor spoke about the power of the word of God. Not the bible, but the power in words and in the words God speaks. After that two women stood up and gave their testimonies regarding how they grew their families. One woman could not carry a pregnancy and at 46 she got pregnant and felt God had touched her heart and she new she was having a girl and her name was to be Alicia. After a miraculous natural conception she miscarried again. After that on an act of faith she bought a cradle and put that cradle at the end of their bed trusting that God would fill it with their baby. They were too old toadopt and too old to conceive naturally. One day her husband heard Dr Dobson interviewing a woman about Embryonic Adoption and came home and told her that this is how they would get their baby. A matter of months later they were matched with embryos that had been stored andfrozen for 4 years. She had a daughter and her name is Alicia.

The Pastor took the mic around and couple after couple testified to the miracle that God had done at this service last year and in previous years. For one couple they were both considered infertile due to her endometriosis and him being treated for brain cancer as a teen. They stood up and held their baby who was born 9 months after being prayed for at this service last year.
Another couple stood and showed off their twin girls who were born Dec31st from IVF. They testified to the miracle birth of their children and reminded each couple to not underestimate the way in which God will make you parents.

Bill and Gina have friends who had been told that she had no eggs. No eggs! They now have 5 children as a direct result of being prayed for at this service. Each child was conceived naturally and is a productof being prayed for at Presentation Sunday and believing. I was so moved when Rich, the dad of this family, came up to meet us and told us that they have our names and pray for Daren and I as a family.

Then it was time to go to the front and kneel at the alter. The pastor prayed a prayer over all of us up front and invited other couples who have had the blessing of children to come and lay hands on us. Bill and Gina came forward and laid hands on Daren and I and prayed prayers of healing and of faith.

Two other pastors laid hands on us and prayed for the desires of our hearts to be granted and for our home to ring with the laughter ofchildren. At one point, Wyatt, the son of Rich, who must be around 7 years old stood before us and laid his young hands on our shoulders and prayed for us!

Stranger after stranger laid their hands on our shoulders and prayed and prayed and prayed. Prayed for a miracle, prayed for faith, prayed for healing, prayed for patience. Daren and I both cried the entire time while we were on our knees at the altar. At one point Daren reached over and I didn’t know what he was doing until I realized thathe was actually reaching for my tear soaked snot covered Kleenex!

I have been praying for the last several weeks that the Lord would raise people up to pray for us and as we walked away from the alter a woman from the church gave me a necklace with the verse “Be still and know that I amGod” on it and a note attached that read “WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOU”.

When we were back at Bill and Gina’s and packing up our things I mentioned to Daren how if he had gotten pregnant right away we never would have sought God like this. And he said to me “Its like we saved our own lives trying to create one” It was beautiful!

Bill and Gina gave us a Winnie the Pooh sleeper and hat baby outfit that is now out in our house as our act of faith that God will bless us with the baby to fill it.

This service has given me the courage to continue to hope and to be more transparent about this journey.

We now wait in expectation for our miracle in Gods time.

14 Comments

  1. Anonymous on January 29, 2009 at 11:00 pm

    I am praying for you

  2. Anonymous on January 29, 2009 at 11:10 pm

    Thank you for sharing. God is listening…in God’s time your family will grow. I feel that in my heart.

  3. Anonymous on January 30, 2009 at 5:19 am

    You are a beautiful spirit and your little one is being matched up perfectly to that. You will be a beautiful mother, beautiful family maker, beautiful lover of her family. I’m smiling just thinking of the moment when you will finally meet the little one. Trust God, He’s in charge of new life…

  4. The Traveling Circus on January 30, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    You are amazingly brave to share your heart and desires. God knows them and loves you so much. What an incredible time to really cling to each other and the Lord…we love you and will continue to pray for you and your family!
    Also, thank you so much for your words of encouragement and congrats at the addition to our family…you are a blessing!

  5. Anonymous on January 31, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    I spoke with a woman this week who is infertile. She’s beat herself up over it. “I wonder if I’m not praying the right way.”
    It hurt to see her put that much value judgment on the prayers of her heart.
    We are not witch doctors and our prayers are not magical incantations.
    The power that we have is not in our ability to speak something into existence — be it a baby, a job, or a mate — but in the power to say whatever befall us, still we trust.

  6. Greg and Alicia on February 1, 2009 at 2:02 am

    I will be praying for you and Daren. :o)

  7. Curlyqfun on February 1, 2009 at 6:13 am

    Wow Sarah!
    Your blog is touching lots of people – look at all the Anonymous blogers.
    Bill and I love you guys and are praying for you!!!

  8. RobbinGaye on February 2, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    It is in the stillness that sometimes we hear the Lord the loudest. Kevin and I love you and will hold you and Daren as our own… in prayer. Prov 4vs 25-27 is where the Lord has me, I hope it is an encouragement for you. Hold fast. xo

  9. Megan on February 3, 2009 at 3:03 am

    It was an awesome service, wasn’t it?!

    One of the younger sons of Rich, Weston, came and prayed for my hubby and me. One of the pastors took a picture of it and I now have the picture as well as Weston and his family. It’s awesome to know so many people are praying for us.

    We’ll be praying for your hubby and you that you will not have a long wait for the baby you so desire.

  10. Button on February 5, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    I’m praying that you will receive the blessing of a sweet baby. I understand your struggles and this lesson in patience. It will happen in His perfect timing.

  11. Button on February 5, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    I’m praying that you will receive the blessing of a sweet baby. I understand your struggles and this lesson in patience. It will happen in His perfect timing.

  12. Amy on February 5, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    Said a prayer for you just now. I had a miscarriage about 3 months after getting married and know how it feels when people try to say helpful things (like you still young or it wasn’t meant to be) but they don’t realize it isn’t helpful so I won’t try! Just know those two little souls you did conceive are out there watching over you.

  13. Alison on February 6, 2009 at 4:27 am

    I am so sorry you are stuggling. I understand that challenge. I had a horrible 3 year of infertility and 4 miscarriages. I never thought I would be a mother. Then we waited another 2 years for Jack. He changed me life forever. I had always consider him my miracle baby but now I will have TWO miracle babies (just different kinds of miracles). You are in my thoughts and prayers. Email if you feel like sharing more or have questions 🙂

  14. Eudea-Mamia on February 12, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    I’m so very sorry for your struggles.

    You will be blessed, and you will be better parents because of your early battles. Not that you wouldn’t have cherished a baby had you been lucky right away – but it’s different. Your husband is a very smart man, not that you don’t know 🙂

    Your faith humbles and restores me. Thank you for sharing.

    Welcome to SiTS! Em

Leave a Comment