February 29, 2008
The hunt for the great self tanner
Country is as country does. And country girls tan. We tan outside on the lawn. We tan at the damn. We tan in the middle of the wheat field where you are certain no boys from class will see you in you two piece. We tan with tanning oil with a max SPF of 2. We tan at the Babe Ruth park during baseball tournaments breaking only to order more fries and a package of big league chew from the guy at the concessions.
Then I moved to Seattle. Seattle girls don’t tan, they burn. Still, we bonded together with feminine power and hunted down the best tanning salon in the neighborhood. Again, we tanned.
Then I moved to LA. Holy cow everyone tans there! Men, women, children, and their little hairless dogs.
Then, in my early 20’s is was suggested by an asthetician that I use an eye cream. I stopped tanning.
That moment turned me into the currently reining Sunscreen Queen. I don’t even step outside for a five minute dog walk without sunscreen. So I am left with a challenge. How do I look beautifully bronzed and flirtatiously flushed on my wedding day? Thus, The Hunt for the Great Self Tanner.
Round one: Mystic Tan
I went with my best friend and maid of honor to the nearest tanning salon and ordered up a spray on tan. “Level 1 please. That’s the lightest right?” Were the last words I spoke as a Caucasian female. By the time I had anything else to say I was a walking, talking carrot! As vibrantly orange as a girl can be. So colorful, in fact, that a mere acquaintance walked past me at work the next day and shouted over his shoulder “You look good in orange.” All I could do was say “Thank you” and hope that maybe he was a little right. Then over the days of the week it peels and flakes off and you end up looking less like a Brazilian swimsuit model and more like an orangish version of the Geico Gecko.
Round Two: A Tan For All Seasons
This is the current leader of the pack. ( Not that it has a lot of competition at this stage of bracket) I bought it at Sephora and it is by Bliss, a notorious spa and salon in NYC. At least that’s what the packaging says and I choose to believe it. It is an aerosol spray on that seems to spray you all over even though the bronzer only comes out intermittently. So you spray yourself then rub it in all over and voila, today I look nothing like a carrot, nothing like a gecko, and about as close to a Brazilian swimsuit model as my genes allow.
Winner of Round Two of The Hunt for the Great Self Tanner is…..